Monday, December 29, 2008

No fill for me

Christmas has come and gone and one would think that for a woman like me who has been lap banded for just over 4 weeks that the traditional guts Christmas fair untill you feel sick on Christmas day would have been a thing of the past.. Not for this black duck.
Here's the story, I went in as scheduled to Dr Munro's rooms to have my first fill on Thursday 18th December. I was weighed and I had lost just over 7.8 kgs, and on his big mean doctor scales that was good , he was happy with that and so was I.
After weigh in I popped up onto the bed and he placed a pillow under my back to force my middle up, not that this middle needs much help. it up there all right. I then had to do a stomach crunch and hold whilst he felt around for the port. I did mention that this wasnt the most comfortable position in the world and if I had been able to do stomach crunches and hold them for 15 minutes I wouldnt have had the need for a lap band I would have been a personal trainer... He didnt laugh, but I did, surgeon they lack a certain sense of houmour dont you think, but then again if I was holding peoples organs in my hands everyday for a living i think I would be one serious being.
He then took a 3cm needle and stuck it in me to try and enter the port in order to do the fill ( that is to add fluid to the band to increase the level of restriction , ie make the band tighter and the hole through which food passes smaller and hence less food is eaten to feel full.
Yes, Yes , Yes that's how its supposed to work. but of course my run of great luck , quick recovery and smooth sailing just came to a pointy, needle filled end... After approximately 4-5 needle jabs and also changing to a longer needle to get through the fat to the port, he wasn't able to find the port and it was hurting, not enough to cry but I wasn't having fun and mind you still holding the stomach crunch!! He decided to send me to Dr Kelly , he is also a gastric surgeon and he assist Dr Munro in surgery , he assisted in my surgery and has a little more experience with fills as he has done many more.
I left the cute but serious Dr Munro's office and made an appointment to see Dr Kelly the following Monday the 22nd December.
A glutton for punishment I was up early on that chipper Monday morning and bounded into the surgery to be topped up , I was excited and I was convince that like others where Dr Munro wasn't able to locate the Port that Dr Kelly , known throughout the practice as the port finder extraordinaire would be able to locate the little sucker and fill me up to the brim and put an end to this "eating everything I want"business. I didn't go through surgery to always be hungry and able to eat as much as I used to.
After a follow up get to know you chat with Dr Kelly in which I learnt a great deal more about the band and how it works and i feel that I'm up there in importance as he actually got the wobbly model of the stomach out of his draw to give me the visual I so needed to learn even more about the band and its marvelous ways...
Chatting over, I was weighted again , no change and then up onto the bed I climbed, again the stomach crunch crash position was required and in he went with the needle. Again 15 minutes later two needle changes and numerous stabs , that illusive port was not to be found. I think it would be easier to find the meaning to life or a "coup div ell "at the bottom of a crackerjack box to coin a phrase from Meatloaf, two out of three ain't bad...
Not wanting to perforate a major blood vessel or even worse an organ he stopped the search and I was then booked in to have the little sucker found under ultra sound the following morning at 9am.
Thinking finally that this is the big day of my first fill I again zoomed into Erina Diagnostic and waited patiently for my turn , Dr Kelly arrives and I'm ushered into the ultra sound room along with good ol Dr "K" and the ultra sound techy. I break the ice by saying I hope we have better like today in finding the magic portal to cross to the other side , the ultra sound guys laughs and guarantees me we will.
Ha , ha, ha, ha, I say , guarantee, 25 minutes later with tears streaming down my face and pain shooting through my stomach and back and suffering shortness of breath and with an anxiety attack circling Dr Kelly calls off the search. Not due to poor light or bad weather but due to patient collapse. He was able to see the port and it is there for those of you like me that were wondering if i really had a port or a lap band and it is in the correct place and facing the correct way , its just darn difficult to mine through 5cm of pure fat. The nature of ultra sound being you are only able to look at a line at a time and he wasn't confident in marring the needle with the port. The risk was to great and I was in so much pain and distress , almost as much as Dr K was. He finally admitted the mining hadn't produced gold and that we were getting into some bad ass areas and run the risk of hitting muscles and organs, not an ideal outcome, ya think!!!!
So once gain , the fill alluded us and I went home batted and bruised and empty. Dr Kelly was amazing and was very supportive and decided to book me in for the 30th Dec to have it done under Xray as this would give him a full view of the needle in relation to the port and would ensure we would strike GOLD.
The silver lining to this whole dark cloud was that Dr Kelly has promised that one week , even a week including Christmas Day gormandising and New Years Eve Champagne will not stop us on my journey to become Australia's next biggest losers super model , so Australia text - 4567-TRACEY - to see Tracey Doyle as Australia's next slim super model by years end, that is if we find the port.....hahaha.. Happy new year to all and to all a good night.......

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